I think something might've gone terribly wrong somewhere.
I want to see a doctor, there's something wrong with me and I can't quite describe it. It's not right that at one moment I'm in such a good mood that I can work an eleven hour shift without protest, but then the next moment I'm crying so hard that my coworkers pull my till during a rush and let me go home almost instantaneously.
I have the best coworkers, you guys.
But, anyway, I've cried a lot lately. The other day was kinda creepy, I passively thought to myself that something wasn't my problem because I would no longer be alive by the time it would be a problem. It was odd, my mind immediately drew that conclusion, and it came to me that I genuinely don't anticipate reaching mid-life. It's just odd that sometimes I can wake up, excited to eat breakfast and listen to music in the car on my way to work, but another morning, I'll wake up resisting the urge to paint the ceiling with my brains. This sadness just isn't going away.
Uh... I've been trying really hard not to talk about my feelings, but typing it all out like this kinda makes me realize that it's a bit of a serious issue.
I attempted to wash my Ninten doll for the first time today. He needs to be hand-washed because of his hair, and of course because he doesn't fit in a washing machine. Who would want to put poor Ninty in a washing machine, anyway? Those twisted weirdos!
I've had him for two years now, his birthday was this month. I never touch the doll unless I've just washed my hands, and if I left the house that day, I won't let him touch my clothing. I take the care of my dolls extremely seriously, but he still had gotten kinda dirty. That's one of the reasons I've never gotten photos of him with my Ness doll.
I put a little laundry detergent into a big metal bowl full of water and scrubbed Ninten's hands and face in it. He didn't enjoy it. The worst part is that I left his neckercheif on and the red bled into the white of his shirt and skin. Thankfully that area is covered by the neckerchief anyway.
But, the cleaning went very well. It's comforting to know my doll was put together well enough to handle a cleaning. I've been too nervous to attempt cleaning him sooner, fearing he could be damaged. After all this time, I thought he was stained, but his pallor had returned upon the wash. I'm rather relieved. Although, he probably will smell like soap for a while.
In other doll news, I have almost settled on a method for creating my future Lucas and Mr. Wedgewood dolls. I will start with Lucas because my idea involves a concept I'd like to test on a smaller doll like Lucas, that ideally will also be implemented in the Mr. Wedgewood doll. If Lucas's pattern turns out great, I'll probably remake Ninten and Ness with it so they all match.
I was promoted at work! I'm a shift leader now!
Huh? A leader!?
Just like... Wonder-Red!
My seriousness tends to cross the realm of reason, too. Just like his does!
I have a lot more power now, but now I have to make certain decisions for myself, which I'm not used to. I'm the youngest of three, so everything was pretty much predetermined for me growing up. I don't think I've ever really had an opportunity to lead before. I've always just had to deal with the cards I've been dealt.
I want to draw Arthur Wedgewood, but I can't seem to do anything but compulsively check Tumblr, dA, facebook, and Youtube lately. For the past three months, I've been in this emotional rut that's got me stagnant. I've just been sitting around getting very little done. I have a lot of projects shelved. It's got me frustrated, but I can't seem to muster up the energy to do anything about it. I've hardly even played any video games.